11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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