hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize