in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
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