I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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