the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
