u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
