Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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