It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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