you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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