I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize