This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
