Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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