bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
