i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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