i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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