How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
