ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize