Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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