I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
