just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
