I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
