Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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