im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
