I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
