Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
