We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
