She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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