I got chris browned last night
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
