Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
