I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
