shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
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