And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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