guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
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