I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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