Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
