He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
