He told me they were just razor bumps!
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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