just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
