Having a random hookup so left but love u
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
