The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
