you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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