Already got asked if we're dating
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
