It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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