From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
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