Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
