You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
