Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
