Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
