You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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