Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
my poor anus
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
