you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
