You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
