This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
