i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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