the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
