Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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