mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
it's like iHOP with fire
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
