Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
