I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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