you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
