You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
