Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
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