i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
