Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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