Your face is a jimmy john
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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